REVIEW: ROCK OF AGES

Heading into "Cars 2" last year, I had a false sense of hope that it would be this significant Pixar film, despite the stinging reviews I'd read everywhere.  Anticipation was building, even the kids whining in their seats didn't bother me.  Then...it began, and that stupid James Bond spoof started.  That's when I realized I was going to be let down for the first time by Pixar.

The lesson here is: expectations.  Like the food and drinks you've smuggled in because the prices at theaters are ridiculous, expectations are a key thing to bring with you to the movies.  When viewing "The Artist," don't expect to laugh out loud even though it's technically a comedy.  When Adam Sandler does a movie nowadays, don't expect it to be as good as "The Wedding Singer" or "Happy Gilmore."  And when you walk into Adam Shankman's "Rock of Ages," don't expect the next "Sound of Music," because you will surely get disappointed.

The film is pure kitsch, and, in my opinion, is proud to wear that badge.  Some reviews have cited that as one of its biggest weaknesses, that it takes itself too seriously.  Obviously Shankman knew what he was getting in to.  Who would take the story seriously, with A-list actors belting out mediocre 80s hits (save Foreigner and Journey, of course).  You don't have to be a big movie buff to see where the plot is headed; it's screenwriting 101.  Boy meets girl, fall in love, conflict, sadness, reuniting.  That's not even a spoiler.  You KNOW that's going to happen.  That's 90% of Nicholas Spark's work, right there for you.

All this said, and the various stereotypes aside, "Rock of Ages" is one of the funnest movies we're going to get all summer.  It's very easy to see how this was adapted from a Broadway play, supporting characters getting an equal amount of screen time, the main character meeting new people every 20 minutes.  It's structured very similarly to plays such as "Rent," but nowhere near as good.  I've read in to the Broadway version, and there are several different liberties taken with this movie that I think might have benefited the film if they were to stay truthful.  But the movie runs along pretty averagely, with the expected amount of the "random bursting into song" quality of the old days of movie musicals.  The 80's "classics" tie in to what the characters are doing at the moment, which I thought was an impressive accomplishment.

What's less impressive are the lead performances: Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta, whose credits include "Mean Girls 2," "Pretty Little Liars" and "90210."  Never heard of him.  Hough, whose acting career literally only consists of musicals, which is surprising because they're so rare nowadays, is gorgeous as the lead, but less convincing when she has to get down to the actual acting in the film.  Boneta is no better, and the screenwriters should be to blame here too.  When a shady businessman (played with that smug look we've come to expect from Paul Giamatti) asks him a question, Boneta replies: "Rock n roll, baby!"  It sounds like Giamatti just pulled a string from the doll-like Boneta, and this is his sound effect.

"Rock of Ages" belongs to Cruise

Kudos go to the comic-relief of the film: Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand.  Those two really need their own spin-off, or maybe their own TV show. Their chemistry is utterly surprising, but it pays off great.  Obviously the best of the cast, and of the movie, however is Tom Cruise.  I've seen a lot of Cruise's work in the short time I've been living, the majority of the "Mission: Impossible" series, "Rain Man," "Collateral"...and in every film he just brings a different presence than the next.  Though Cruise is going to be turning 50 soon, he brings life to the seemingly always drunk rock star Stacee Jaxx only he could, possessing a youth and an old soul in one performance isn't easy.  Cruise gets gritty too, groping reporters and swapping spit with countless chicks in just about every scene.  The film belongs to him.

Seeing "Rock of Ages" doesn't exactly assist the argument for the continuation of movie musicals.  I don't mind them, I think a musical with current hits from artists people generally like (and not just tween girls) would do good in theaters.  Until then, we'll just have to settle for "Rock of Ages," even though it doesn't hit quite all of the right notes.

Rating: 2/4 stars